The Missing Piece in Self-Care
A Selfgentle Invitation
The Missing Piece in Self-Care: A Selfgentle Invitation
What if self-care wasn’t something to squeeze into your busy day, but a way of being with yourself—one that makes everything else feel easier?
We hear a lot about self-care. The rituals, the routines, the shoulds. Take a bath. Meditate. Eat well. Say “no” more often. And yes, these things matter. But what if the real key to self-care isn’t what you do, but how you are with yourself?
This is where selfgentleness comes in.
Selfgentleness is the practice of radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness. Let that sink in for a moment.
Not just when you’ve done well.
Not just when others approve of you.
Not just when you feel strong.
But always. Even when you’re tired. Even when you’ve messed up. Even when you’re carrying the weight of expectations—your own and everyone else’s.
Because self-care without selfgentleness? It turns into another task on the to-do list. Another thing to get right. Another way to feel like you’re falling short. But when self-care is infused with selfgentleness, everything changes.
Learning to Listen
One of the first things I teach in selfgentleness is a simple practice: tuning in.
When was the last time you asked yourself—really asked—What do I need right now? And then listened? Not with judgment, not with a mental list of why that need is inconvenient, but with the same softness you would offer a dear friend.
The mind will rush in with objections. But selfgentleness doesn’t demand that you meet every need instantly. It simply asks that you acknowledge them. To say: I hear you. I see you. I’ll make space for this when I can.
And often, just that moment of listening brings a shift. A breath. A softening inside.
The Power of Small Moments
Selfgentleness isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about the way you meet yourself in the quiet moments.
Like when you wake up and instead of rushing into your day, you place a hand on your heart and whisper, Good morning, love. How are you today?
Like when your mind is spinning and instead of forcing yourself to push through, you pause, place both feet on the ground, and take one slow, deep breath.
Like when you’re struggling and instead of criticizing yourself, you remember that kindness is always an option. Even now.
This is what self-care looks like when it’s rooted in selfgentleness. Not a chore, but a way of being.
A Guided Experience
If this speaks to you, I invite you to explore it more deeply. I recently recorded a Selfgentleness Live on this very topic—on how to bring self-care and selfgentleness together in real, practical ways, including a guided meditation. You can watch it for free on YouTube (and if this resonates, please make sure to subscribe there for more).
And because I know how hard it can be to shift from old patterns to gentler ones, I’ve created something to help.
I created The Selfgentleness Practices Guide for you. It’s a lovely booklet with 16 selfgentleness practices, all small, practical ways to bring more ease, kindness, and care into your daily life. It’s totally free and can help you start that self-care process with selfgentleness.
Because self-care isn’t something you have to earn. It’s something you deserve—right now, exactly as you are.
Be selfgentle,
All love, Femke
Here is my swing a little bit of snow is preventing me to swing care free. I can still feel how much fun it was to swing high as I could as a kid and then jump of the swing sailing in the air.
One of my priorities is selfcare but the self-gentleness is a work in progress for sure. I check in with self often and prioritize getting into nature and the sea. The sea is where I am happiest and where I shift my state completely. It brings me totally present and has been the steady go to since youth.