Last week, I was interviewed by
and we talked about intuition—how Selfgentleness can be a powerful way to open yourself up to what your intuition is already telling you. (More on that soon! I’ll let you know when our conversation is published. In the meantime, follow MamaJ for her invaluable insights.)She asked me: Is there any part of your life where applying Selfgentleness is still difficult?
And I answered her, very honestly: sometimes, I find it hard to love my body.
Even though I know—logically, deeply—that so much of this is illusion… I still get caught in the conditioning that tells me my body should look a certain way. A conditioning shaped by culture, society, our environment, and my own expectations.
And yet… what does "perfect" even mean? That’s the mystery.
I was a teenager when the “heroin chic” look was in—thin, almost waif-like. I was naturally slim (I see that now, looking back), but also curvy, which was not “in” at the time. I used to look at photos of Marilyn Monroe and wish I had been born in an era where curves were celebrated. What I didn’t grasp back then was this:
Our bodies don’t change with the trends. And trends are just a passing reflection of the times.
Then I became an actor, working mostly in television. Not the best place to learn that your body is beautiful as it is. I constantly heard things like:
👉 “The camera adds 10 pounds.”
👉 “You’re pretty, but you need to lose weight!!”
Those words became beliefs. And I internalized the idea that my worth and lovability depended on being as thin as possible.
Reclaiming My Body Through Selfgentleness
I’m no longer in that place.
I have learned to love my body—not just for how it looks, but for what it does for me, every second of every day.
💚 It makes sure I breathe.
💚 It keeps my heart, lungs, and organs working without me even thinking about it.
💚 If I scratch or cut myself, it instantly begins to heal.
💚 If I get sick, it fights for me.
💚 It carried and nurtured my children.
💚 It tells me when I need to rest.
Yes, through Selfgentleness, I have learned to love my body. But if I’m honest? It’s still the hardest part of my practice.
I have to stay vigilant about my thoughts. I have to actively choose to let go of the ones that don’t serve me. I have to consciously look in the mirror and love every part of what I see.
And you know what? That’s okay.
It’s okay to search, to struggle, to not always know how. I always say Selfgentleness is a lifelong, work-in-progress process. And so it is. No rush. No pressure. No worries.
Because who would I be without my body?
💚 Thin air. Invisible. Unnoticeable. 💚
And I would rather be here, fully in my body, exactly as I am.
Sprinkle Your Body with Love
If this story resonates with you, I have attached a recording of a live talk I gave about three years ago on loving our bodies.
✨ It begins with a talk and then flows into a guided meditation.
✨ It’s called “Sprinkle Your Body with Love”—and that’s exactly what we’ll do.
💚 Listen. And if it speaks to you, let me know in the comments.
And if you think someone else might need this? Please share my work with them. Or even better—recommend or restack. I would be deeply grateful.
Be selfgentle.
All love, Femke
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